Photo courtesy of Tj Craypoff

       What is a chicken? Is it that loser that runs away from doing a task, or is it the bird? Not long before time had a name, the first egg was created(perhaps the chicken came first but I digress); with that egg a chicken was made. Now, chickens are everywhere: in barns, “bathing” in a deep fryer, and, most importantly, between two pieces of bread to create a chicken sandwich. 

       Many people have gotten into arguments about what the true, Ultimate Chicken Sandwich is, so I am here to decide, once and for all, what the true Ultimate Chicken Sandwich is. Each sandwich will be judged on the following criteria: taste, appearance, and cost. It will be rated from one to ten, one being something you find on your elementary school playground(heh), and ten being…devine. Without further ado, let’s begin with Chick-Fil-A.

       Chick-Fil-A is one of the most popular fast food restaurants in the area, but is their chicken sandwich worthy of being called The Ultimate Chicken Sandwich? Starting off with the price,  honestly speaking $3.06 for a chicken sandwich isn’t bad. Next up is design/appearance, it’s generic;  search up chicken sandwich and you will get a picture looking almost exactly like it. Finally taste, now when I ate it I felt… the same; it was still pretty good though. In all, the Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich averages to a 7.2/10 which could be good or could be bad depending on what’s next, now let’s switch over to something everyone knows and loves as we all “love that chicken from Popeyes.”

       Now I’ve been told through memes, texts, people sitting next to me while I write this(you know who you are), and news articles that the Popeyes chicken sandwich is better than Chick-Fil-A’s. Starting off with the price, the sandwich is $4.00 dollars, which is a dollar more than Chick-Fil-A’s. Next up is appearance, now it looks like someone put a Popeyes chicken in between bread(ability unlocked: sight). It’s generic but not horrible. Taste is where the real kicker is, so as I took a bite I can only quote Kanji Tatsumi from Persona 4: “It tastes kinda… Boneless?” It wasn’t inedible, but I wasn’t even sure if I was eating anything other than bread(which wasn’t horrible for bread standards). I felt a little disappointed(only a little, it still wasn’t terrible). In all, Popeyes got a 6.3/10 which is still above half but right now Chick-Fil-A is winning.

       Next up is a place you may or may not know of: Hangry Joe’s. Now personally, I wanted to keep this as simple as possible so only big fast food chains like Wendys were allowed, but my mother wouldn’t shush. So let’s start with appearance. It looks pretty good compared to all the sandwiches on this list; it looks like actual chicken. It tastes like actual chicken and not something thrown in a deep fryer, which is rare. Now the final price, $10.75 is a lot for a chicken sandwich but is it worth it? No, not really but it’s not horrible. This puts its score at 7.6/10 which is higher than Chick-Fil-A. Is this the supreme champ? Well let’s have the so-called king enter.

       Burger King, I bet you probably forgot this was a fast food place. Burger King is notorious for not having the greatest food but how does it scale? For appearance, I kid you not, I thought I bought a hotdog when I saw it. For taste I was surprised, the fries I had right before had no salt but when I took a bite I tasted… actual edible food. I thought I was gonna eat it in a moldy shoe, but no it was good. Price is next with $5.00 which is alright. In all this leaves Burger King with a 6/10 which is above half, so good on you Burger King. 

       With everything if we tally the scores we are left with (Last to first): Burger King, Popeyes, Chick-Fil-A, and Hangry Joe’s. The one and only ULTIMATE CHICKEN SANDWICH goes to Hangry Joe’s. Just have to say, I thought I was going to get food poisoning after eating some of these.  You know I chose to write this as a joke because I was hungry. In the end, this is my review of something nobody thinks about on a daily basis. You may disagree, and that is okay. Just remember to: “eat more chicken.”